I don’t know where I’ve been, apparently stuck in my own little world of Christianity…but hearing this finally today was a major shocker.  i wonder why God would let this happen…and then i take my words back, knowing that i have no right to question the Almighty.  why not!?  Soli deo gloria.  in all things through Jesus Christ.

Please pray for Pastor John Piper…this is really hitting my heart hard. Part of me can’t believe it’s happening–Piper’s own theology & life message coming to life.

http://www.desiringgod.org/news_events/dgm_news/2006/20060106_cancer_announcement.html

January 6, 2006

Dear Friends,

I hope this letter will encourage your prayer, strengthen your hope, and minister peace. I am writing with the blessing of the Council of Elders of Bethlehem Baptist Church to help you receive the news about my prostate cancer.
 
At my annual urological exam on Wednesday, December 21, the doctor felt an abnormality in the prostate and suggested a biopsy. He called the next day with the following facts: 1) cancer cells were found in two of the ten samples and the estimate is that perhaps 5% of the gland is affected; 2) my PSA count was 1.6, which is good (below 4 is normal); 3) the Gleason score is 6 (signaling that the cancer is not aggressive). These three facts incline the doctor to think that it is unlikely that the cancer has spread beyond the prostate, and that it is possible with successful treatment to be cancer-free.
 
Before going with my wife, Noël, to consult in person with the doctor on December 29 about treatment options, I shared this news with the Bethlehem staff on Tuesday morning, December 27, and with the elders that evening. Both groups prayed over me for healing and for wisdom in the treatment choices that lie before us. These were sweet times before the throne of grace with much-loved colleagues.
 
All things considered, Noël and I believe that I should pursue the treatment called radical prostatectomy, which means the surgical removal of the prostate. We would ask you to pray that the surgery be completely successful in the removal of all cancer and freedom from possible side effects.
 
With the approval of Bethlehem’s executive staff and elder leadership, we are planning surgery in February. The recovery time is about three weeks before returning to a slow work pace, and six weeks to be back to all normal activities.
 
This news has, of course, been good for me. The most dangerous thing in the world is the sin of self-reliance and the stupor of worldliness. The news of cancer has a wonderfully blasting effect on both. I thank God for that. The times with Christ in these days have been unusually sweet.
 
For example, is there anything greater to hear and believe in the bottom of your heart than this: “God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him” (1 Thessalonians 5:9-10)?

God has designed this trial for my good and for your good. You can see this in 2 Corinthians 1:9, “Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” And in 2 Corinthians 1:4-6, “He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God . . . If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation.”

So I am praying: “Lord, for your great glory, 1) don’t let me miss any of the sanctifying blessings that you have for me in this experience; 2) don’t let the people of Bethlehem miss any of the sanctifying blessings that you have for us in this; 3) grant that the surgery be successful in removing cancer and sparing important nerves; 4) grant that this light and momentary trial would work to spread a passion for you supremacy for the joy of all peoples through Jesus Christ; 5) may Noël and all close to me be given great peace—and all of this through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever, Amen.” I hope God will lead you to pray in a similar way.

With deep confidence that

“Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting.
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
1 Corinthians 15:54-57

Pastor John

Lately, I guess at least this past whole week since 2006 started and even during Passion06–I’ve been thinking about what on earth went wrong last term, to have my School marks drop like hiroshima & my spiritual life sink to Death Valley, to have my hope faith and trust in God’s unfailing love shaken…like what on in the world do I need in life to hold things together again….what on earth are we missing? 

I tried not to carry my baggage and burdens to Nashville (OH the irony of this phrase), and boy, I guess I really left it in Toronto (or at least Chicago).   And what i’ve come to realize after Passion06 is simply my need for Christ to be in the heart of everything I am–in the centre of my life, in your life, in our lives.  I mean, He’s in our lives definitely, but the thing is, although He is resident–He isn’t president.  He’s not central, primary, above all else, supreme, #1, in control, in the center, the core reason and purpose for all that i say and do.

So much of my life has been bogged down by lust, materialism, greed, pride, self-centeredness, that even in the midst of my supposed worship of God–I’ve held back & kept for myself so much of the “things of this world” that made me happy, that satisfied my earthly self… ALL of which made me even more thirsty for more, and actually did not make me any more satisfied with life.  In essence, it can be said that I had not fully embraced surrender.  And so, this new song written by Charlie Hall and Matt Redman has really help me put words what I’ve been meaning to say to Jesus, and voice to the Father what my heart has been yearning to cry:

Christ be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes–
be the center of our lives.

You’re the center of the universe, everything was made in You, Jesus.
Breath of every living thing, everyone was made for You.
You hold everything together, You hold everything together…

We lift our eyes to heaven, we wrap our lives around Your life–
we lift our eyes to heaven to You.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
in the light of His glory and grace.

The one song that has always made me cry, until i was called a hypocrite for not living it out, was Tomlin/Giglio’s “Enough”.  I know I’m gonna fail miserably at trying to be obedient to God, so here’s to surrender & dying to self trying and self power and the year’s journey towards surrender.  serious.   …I’ve been searching for a new expression of that lately, and i think i’ve found it it, a song and melody of the same theme that would allow me to express and confess to God the only thing I truly desire, it’s a new song i found at Passion06 by Charlie that describes the one thing that i want more than any earthly thing or person or relationship or pleasure:

Rich or poor, God I want you more
than anything that glitters in this world;
Be my all, all-consuming fire!

You can have all my hands can hold,
my heart mind strength and soul;
Be my all, all-consuming fire!

Coz we have all we need in You; All we need is You–
All we need is You!

So, i dunno if i’m finished this process of figuring out “New Year’s resolution” yet, and really, if i were to stick to the TRUE definition of a resolution (”the state/quality of being resolute; firm determination”, or “a resolving to do something”, or “course of action determined or decided on”), the above is the core of it.  and the one thing that still haunts my life existence, my 2006 resolution, …it’s like the main branch of this core resolution.  i think i’ve called it reconciliation, but whatever label it’s got, i’ll be sure to post here once this is accomplished.

And I’ll be sure it will be resolved before I die.  coz definitely, I know Heaven’s doorkeeper’s (including mighty little Seraph) won’t let me in until this is resolved.

“You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you.
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”  (Colossians 3:13, NLT)

EDIT: ok, i was just thinking about this “New Year Resolution” thing, and was all about to decide it once and for all–to go to ALL of my classes the rest of this school year and NOT skip a single class–but thanx for Princess, i wont be setting myself up for this big fall….coz u know it is quite impossible to go to all–every single one of my classes LOL! At least this way, God wont be disappointed

I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene,
And I wonder how he could love me - a sinner, condemned, unclean.

*How marvelous! How wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
How marvelous! How wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!

This old hymn written by Charles H. Gabriel in 1905 was song a few times at Passion06; the last time I really remember singing it with such vigour was when Tomlin came to 7|22 to lead a night of worship to get everybody in Atlanta ready for OneDay03 - it was April 1, 2003 to be exact since i have the audio recorded…and I’ve just been blown away at the passionate expresison of praise & thanks that it articulates thru the deeply detailed lyrics! The first verse & chorus here just amplifies God’s love in and through His suffering Son Jesus Christ, and as Piper said, it supremely displaysthe greatness of the glory of God’s grace! An amazing God-ballad, love song if you will, and a grand expression of our own love of Christ
Still mind racing at 80miles/hr here… processing everything that’s happened at Passion06.  i don’t remember much that i even said during the family group time, tho i know i said alot, i just, cant remember right now.  i havent really listened to the first sermon that I missed & really should…and even re-listen to all the other talks.

however, what i’m reflecting on right now as school approaches is the last sermon of the conference when Louie spoke on doing our best in whatever we do, all for God’s glory.  I knew all along that he was a failure in college, but i just didnt know to what extent.  and it really humbled me, coz after all these years, he’s finally shared with us a big deal of what really happened in his life, and how he came to be/do what he does now, as an anointed communicator of God’s word to the student generation.  It was really eye-opening to hear Louie just say outright that he failed out of school twice, and after a while of living as a failure THO called by God to be a ‘pastor’ type, God really spoke to his life and simply told him..”in order to serve me as a pastor, you have to go to seminary, and to go to seminary you 1st have to get a Bachelor’s degree.”

Wow.. I mean, this is all coming at a point in my life when i’m like, God is just screaming at me here.  He’s graced me with a clear academic standing, and it’s time to do it–in the name of our Lord Jesus–for His glory.  Coz even tho i feel called to serve and to ministry for Him, right now what is important and required of me *in worship* is to excel in my academics for Him.  I gotta do finish this school thing first.  and tho it’s been downhill in terms of my loving of school, i gotta do it to the best of my ability asap lol. and i’m thinking i should try enjoying it even!!

yikes–school–scariness :S

So help me God–I must do well in school and graduate–for His name and His renown!
(it’s really about time i do this lol)

-

EDIT: i’m sick and tired of “it was good”.  i am trying to understand what this all means, even thinking i might be a hypocrite of my own words.  it is not enough to say that the sermon was good, or even that it really spoke to you.  in this journey towards Christ, we are not here just to listen or watch or to be a spectator in this life–we are here to live all of it for His glory.  and that doesn’t mean that we are supposed to be passive spectactors here to enjoy the show–we are part of the show–and our lives should be proclaiming and living out what God desires of us–that is a life of obedient worship.  Here’s my take on the messages that pastors, preachers and speakers speak–we must have a “call to action” in it, at the end of it… if our songs and worship music calls us to express our praise to God in physical actions, so should the messages we hear from the communicator–we must be called to action, otherwise it doesn’t really change anything…something must change, for the better, as a result of God speaking thru that message.

I guess this is the whole “history maker” idea that was going thru Passion06–to make a difference, to change history, to “live out loud” as we say at RCCF!

It is late, my baggage hasn’t arrived:( …and i’m still kinda processing what God’s been doing this entire day, our first full day of Passion06.  If i don’t make sense, it’s coz i need more than the 3hrs i had yesterday :S

Morninng: community group worship with the Nockels + Tim Hughes, great start to the morning, plus met up with my “family group”.  Chrissy (as Kat now calls him) Tomlin, Made To Worship + another new God-anthem. Piper–WOW–controversial topic on God’s glory.  Prime reason (sin and thus) suffering exists is to display the greatness of the glory of God’s grace; God ordained SIN to exist to ultimately magnify this greatness!! somebody was screaming and disagreed–very hard to swallow.

Lunch. 18,000 people being served food all at the same time!  wow, so coordinated!

Afternoon: Piper on teaching the whole counsel of God.  more controversy–must take doctrinal theology seriously; it aint all just that simple–can’t be like that.  ie: Jesus is NOT God coz he had a beginning VS Jesus is GOD period.  Jesus is of the same nature of the Father OR Jesus is of the similar nature of the Father!  THERE’S A REAL DIFFERNCE!
+krazy lineup for Latenight tickets; tried to buy some gifts but krazy checkout lineup; Kneel/Prayer Journey took like 30mins but was glorifying and edifying at the same time.  Dinner = hotdog.

Evening: Crowder.  WOW!  WOW!  but “You Are My Joy” totally not as HYPE loud as PassionTdot :S  Louie leading prayer triangles; crying at so much grace & mercy God’s been showering on me.  Beth Moore–wow, lady really brought it hard on us…reaping what we sow, can’t just eat eat and say it’s just soo good, even tho it is, has to be more than that.  has to sow deep roots and harvest a real crop that makes a difference.  *we don’t want just another event or revival meeting, we want our lives to change history*  more tears falling continually as Beth just hits the spot where it hurts.
+Community Group worship was amazing–Grace Flows Down; Family Group everybody was breaking into tears + praying for each other + laying hands on each other–amazing closeness thru the Spirit tho we barely know each other!

and Latenight—WOW!!!  Nockels + Redman!  Wow!  did i say WOW already!  man… i love HYMNS… i just love hymns!! speaks so many words that i had in my heart for soo long =D  Christy Nockels’ voice is simply amazing, so awesome that God uses her so well, must have an amazing sound tech, coz dang, she can really sing and sing beautifully!  Lost my voice–God was really working thru Knockels+Redman+team–so powerful–HOW GREAT THOU ART!!

Homeless persons on street we met & gave some food to, please pray for them–Michael & Jake.

I was just thinking about this, how my blog never reallyhad a name or title.  “sixsteps” is the name of my site, and the whole “i am not” knickname is something i’ve picked up recently after God revealing to me His “I AM” identity.

When I created the main graphic for this site, it was kind of not exactly intended to have “When you and I embrace surrender” as the tiltle, but it was just in one of the Passion Toronto pics that i saw that and thought back upon that song.

You and I are made to worship
You are I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free.
When you and I embrace surrender,
When you and I choose to believe,
You and I will see who we were meant to be.

I think it’s actually very relevant for these times and this new year.  something to learn i definitely think–the whole surrender idea.  for the most part, last year was a lot about dying to self power and self trying, and really embracing the fullness of not just the Holy Spirit within me, but especially the living Christ Jesus within.  and this notion of “stop trying, and start dying”, i dont think either of us has fully lived out yet in everything we do.

and so, may it be a coincidence that this moniker landed on me…but i think it’s a gift from heaven actually, a very appropriate title to this new blog and new season in life.

anywayz, i should really get started on packing LOL!  Passion06 here i come!