Through meditation on the Scriptures, personal reflection, and much discussion and consultation with brothers in Christ, I have come to realize that I am facing the greatest trial of my brief 25-year life.  It is in times like these when my faith is being stretched to its intended end — Psalm 73:25-26:

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Do I truly trust the Lord God?  Is God himself — apart from his blessings — actually sufficient for life?  Is God enough?  Is God enough for you when my circumstances don’t change?

Such questions are the bread and butter of the Christian pilgrimage.  We all want to say, “YES!”  I look back on the various kinds of sufferings I have faced this past week, last month, this past year, and even the sin I struggled through back in 2005, and in all these things, they are incomparable to the testing of my faith right now.  God is not looking you and me to just say “Yes”, but to actually mean it, because we are living it.

I have realized that I am currently the greatest time of spiritual testing I have ever faced.  There is no doubt about it.  When everything is fine, when all the dominoes are in place; when I have studied and applied what I learned to myself... And yet nothing happens; and I have to “wait” on God to act. This is what faith is all about.  Patiently waiting on the Lord to move. Trusting that God is sovereign over all things, and that there is nothing I can do to make it happen.  Compatibilism in its fullest meaning.  It is a very painful experience, a struggle, and through this my true colors will show.  As John Wesley once said,

Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power.

Maybe, when I can truly mean it and live “Yes” to such spiritual questions, maybe it will seem that God hasn’t acted and it appears as if He is quiet.  And I will have to wait, actively and patiently wait on the Lord… and faithfully continue doing all that God has called me to do.

This, brothers and sisters, is the time for the Holy Spirit to show me His power.  And in so doing, I hope to be a great testimony to the truth that God can and does do miracles.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

–James 1:2-4