Here’s the most interesting Christmas card message I received this year. It’s from two long-time friends from church, a couple who is getting married this coming May. This is part of the message they wrote in the card:
I pray that the following year brings you more blessings. We will continue to pray for God to find a suitable mate for you at school or elsewhere. In His time, he will provide all that you need!!
(Emphasis mine; but the two !! exclamation marks are original to the writers)
I think that is the first time I ever received such a message in a card from friends, such a blunt message.
I’m not sure if this is the thinking of all couples, that all those who aren’t in a relationship are not normal — and thus they pray that those abnormal people become normal by getting into a relationship. As if without a relationship, they have some huge part of their life that is missing and that life isn’t full until you get that relationship, or that a relationship is all that you need. It is as if those who are single are somehow a bit less human or complete, compared to those dating/married.
(Of course, I could be wrong about this “as if” hypothetical mindset)
There is something wrong here with that theology, and this is tempting me to write something substantial against this mentality.
abe
wonder how ur friends, who gave this card, felt after reading ur post. i personally dont see anything wrong in them praying for God to provide a suitable mate (my family and loved ones do the same) given that you have made your intentions clear many times on this blog of wanting one. i think it is wonderful and a blessing to have friends who remember you in their prayers. only those who love you the most will remember you in their prayers. we are not to judge motives when motives arent apparent. you do mention that you could be wrong but this post seems shows them in a bad light. a question I would like to ask - why desire/need a mate if you are already full/complete?
Dec 28, 2007 @ 12:25 pm
Alex S. Leung
Certainly, Abe, I am very thankful for any prayers anybody can pray on my behalf — a blessing indeed. And yes, may it be that I am completely misinformed in my speculation of the mindset behind what was written — if so, my bad then.
I wish I could provide more context for the Christmas card in reference, who it is from and the extent to which the topic of relationships have been discussed… but for the sake of privacy, I must refrain.
If those 2 friends read this post, I would ask that they join the conversation we’re having here and respond to what’s been said
why desire/need a mate if you are already full/complete? That is a good question! I think a simple answer would be that God has created us for companionship. Before Adam even knew of his own loneliness, God saw that he was alone and gave/made him a helper. Another interesting question would be — why has God made us this way, to desire companionship?
Dec 28, 2007 @ 6:06 pm
Joshua
My wife and I noticed perhaps the same mind set with many who had time to follow the relationships of younger generations. Mostly it seemed due to a concern for happiness. I think after many years of Christian marriage or “envy” of a Christian marriage, believers want that blessing for others. The mistake seems to be made when they forget Matthew 19:10-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:1,6-9,32-34. It is a gift from God, indeed a better one, to be single and devote your entire life to God. But these are rare cases that do not receive the recognition they deserve. I think it would be worth your post, perhaps not to respond to your friends but a wider misconception about the value of singleness.
Dec 29, 2007 @ 1:14 am
Ken
Alex
I think the intent also have to evaluated. Your friend very likely have sent u the blessing out of good intent or kindness or concern for you.
I don’t think it is a good response to take it as “blunt”.
Also to me this is not suitable for blogging. Unless you have blogged in a way nobody could tell who the couple is. Your close friends when reading this post could tell who they are. It is good to relate our daily life to our faith but we have to do it very prudently, or we are going to hurt others and thus losing our friends. Is love the overiding doctrine for Christians?
Perhaps in your inner self that mate issue has become a “thorn” and as a result you become too sensitive. Learn how to adapt to things like this in future. Also watch out when you post something personal. Beware that once done it could not be undone.
Dec 29, 2007 @ 10:31 am
Dani
I have experienced the same thing. I’m sure it is all well-intentioned, but at the same time it bothers me.
There really are single Christians who have very full, satisfying, joy-filled lives and who do not turn every corner wondering if they will come face to face with their future mate! –that is if God intends for them to have a future mate. I am normal, fully human and am deeply content in the relationship with my Saviour!
Most importantly though, this is the Lord’s will for my life now, so it is good and beautiful and not at all inferiour to what He may have for me in the future. To say anything different speaks against God.
I am hoping that you give in to temptation Alex and write something “substantial against this mentality.” I would love to read it!
Dec 29, 2007 @ 11:44 am
Alex S. Leung
Interesting comments from all 3 previous commentors.
Again, there are circumstances in the context of which the message had been given that I cannot disclose. Let’s just say that it came out of the blue where such a topic as relationships have never been talked about between me and this couple. And because of that, it is a surprising message to receive.
Thanks Josh for saying what I actually meant to convey, in terms of the view of singleness from couples/married folk — that is namely, the misconception of the value of singleness.
Indeed, for some among us it may be better to remain as we are, so that we can devote our minds attention and hearts affection undividedly to the Lord (cf. 1 Cor 7 as previously mentioned). May it be that such is God’s will of command for our lives right now, and so, it would be better presently to obey the Lord in this matter and trust that it is for our good and His glory.
Dec 29, 2007 @ 4:49 pm