six steps ✙ Victoria veritatis est caritas » Archive » Alex Chediak on Dating non-Christians

In my leisure time, I am currently reading “With One Voice: singleness, dating and marriage to the glory of God” by Alex Chediak. In the last section of this short book, one of the FAQs concerns the issue of Christians dating non-Christians that I have been discussing earlier. (Chediak is currently an Associate Professor of Engineering at California Baptist University, and was an apprentice at The Bethlehem Institute under Pastor John Piper from 2005-2007)

The following is a direct quote of Chediak’s answer in full, from pages 141-142:

What about dating/marrying non-Christians? After all, don’t some people have happy family environments even though one of their parents may not have been a Christian? And likewise, don’t some have negative experiences in Christian relationships?

The Bible is clear that marrying non-Christians is always sinful. 2 Corinthians 6:14 gives the clearest support of this:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

The implied answered to both these questions is “none”. In other words, Christians (who have been made righteous because of Christ) cannot have any true fellowship (i.e. partnership) with non-Christians (who do not submit themselves to God’s law, and are therefore described by the term “lawlessness”). Elsewhere, Paul speaks of non-Christians (those who live according to the flesh, and who thus set their minds on the things of the flesh) as “hostile to God” and unable to submit to God’s law (Romans 8:5-8). To marry a non-Christian is to marry a potential spiritual enemy — and that for life!

If you would not marry a non-Christian, there can be no reason to date one. You are less likely to win them to Christ, as your example of disobedience will speak louder than any gospel words you may share. If they come to embrace Christ it will be by the mercy of God in spite of your disobedience.

Yes, because of God’s graciousness, many people have happy family environments even though one (or both) of their parents may not have been a Christian. In many of these cases, one parent becomes a believer after marriage, and then must live the remainder of life unable to share their best Friend with their spouse. Likewise, the fact that some Christian relationships go south does not make the romantic pursuit of a non-Christian appropriate.

Carl Wong

I’ve always wondered whether this passage could/would/should also be quoted when talking about non-Christian friends. Is it really so, then, that we can have no true friendships/fellowship with non-believers? How would that work in a practical sense? We can’t possibly ignore/leave all our non-Christian friends just for being non-Christians, but yet the natural implication of the “do not be yoked unevenly” taken in an absolute sense is that we can’t have anything to with “potential spiritual enemies”. If these passages can be interpreted for romantic relationships, then why not also to common friendships? I don’t really know what to conclude this as, but it’s just a question I wonder about.

Sep 22, 2007 @ 12:52 pm

Alex S. Leung

There needs to be a balance between “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some” (1 Corinthians 9:19-23) and “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:1-2).

Any extreme on either end will be futile. Conservative fundamentalists overemphasize to Rom 12, while liberals/emergents over emphasize 1 Cor 9. When there is a good balance, we will be reaching out without selling out our morals, values, and identity. We need to be contending for the truth and the Gospel, as well as contextualizing it so it’s relevant to unbelievers around us.

On 2 Cor 6:14 MacArthur writes,

unequally yoked together. An illustration taken from OT prohibitions to Israel regarding the work-related joining together of two different kinds of livestock (Deut 22:10). By this analogy, Paul taught that it is not right to join together in common spiritual enterprise with those who are not of the same nature (unbelievers). It is impossible under such an arrangement for things to be done to God’s glory.

with unbelievers. Christians are not to be bound together with non-Christians in any spiritual enterprise or relationship that would be detrimental to the Christian’s testimony within the body. This was especially important for the Corinthians because of the threats from the false teachers and the surrounding pagan idolatry. But this command does not mean believers should end all associations with unbelievers; that would defy the purpose for which God saved believers and left them on earth. The implausibility of such religious alliances are made clear in verses 14b-17.

(The MacArthur Bible Commentary)

Certainly, this includes marriage as it is a union of 2 people becoming one flesh — which involves mind, heart and soul — and dating relationships, which aims towards marriage. They’re relationships which would be detrimental to the believer. In all relationships, we ought to remember the Great Commandment and Great Commission, and further, to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.

I think the context of 2 Cor 6 was not originally intend for “marriage” per se, otherwise Paul would have mentioned it explicitly; our application of it to marriage is rightly appropriate because of the spiritual and emotional depth that is involved.

Sep 22, 2007 @ 1:23 pm

Nancy

But what if the person is non-christian, but at the same time as good morals and doesn’t pressure you into things? Are they still grouped together with every other non-christian out there? I mean just because they don’t believe in Jesus Christ and God doesn’t mean they are a bad person. So even if this person is as good and kind as a christian, because they are a non-christian we can’t date them?

Aug 03, 2008 @ 6:51 pm

@Nancy:
Yes, they are still grouped together with other non-Christians out there, for they are “non-Christians” — and therefore, Christians should not be in any intimate dating/courting relationship with those who have not put faith in God.

For “good” morals and “good” social behavior does not make anybody a “good” person. Christianity is not a religion of human accomplishment, but rather a relationship of divine achievement, as faith in Jesus Christ — whose blood shed for our sins in our place — is the only thing that can make us “good” or “right” in God’s sight.

All of us, without faith in the justifying work of Jesus on the cross, are in and of ourselves bad, depraved to the inner most, radically corrupt in every part of our being. But by the grace of God, Christ was crushed for our iniquities, and only thus we can be forgiven of our sin and cleansed from all unrighteousness. (cf. Romans 1-4)

Aug 04, 2008 @ 12:46 am