Seeking Joy and Passion

I am in dire need of joy, and some pure zealous passion.

I think with the busyness of this past weekend & the past couple weeks, I have just been drained thoroughly out of my juices. Since Campus Challenge, my consistency in my spiritual disciplines has been consistent and disciplined. I’ve been able to resist temptation consistently, and I’m living by grace everday. Spiritually, I feel a deepening sense of maturity and humililty in my theology, learning first hand at what it really requires of me to live a humble orthodoxy.

However, I am just really having trouble finding joy in my faith and obedience right now. It’s a small thing really, but a serious thing to me. If I push this bad feeling aside, it wouldn’t make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. But if I don’t make a big deal out of it right now, I fear slipping into a state of spiritual complacency. I do desire God alone, and am running fervently, straight into His heart and will — so the issue isn’t that I’m not seeking after Him.

It’s just that finding joy in my faith is hard right now, very hard. I’m about to become a theology student, so it’s been difficult to find like minds to iron-sharpen-iron on a regular basis. I honestly don’t even know what can spark some happyness in my life, nevermind “joy”. Joy that surpasses any temporal circumstance is all a matter of perspective, or outlook as I would say… so somehow, this outlook has got to change. However, I’m not even sure what’s good or bad with my current outlook, so I don’t know how I should change it.

Maybe I just need to lighten up and have a little fun? But fun, doing what?!

And maybe this is simply my Charismatic tendancies showing forth–I just really need the Holy Ghost to manifest Himself to me, to see in a truly tangible way His Spirit’s presence and power in my life. I can’t seem to find that affirmation and confirmation that the Father is smiling looking down at me, happy and acknowledging that His son is fearfully working out his salvation.

So that’s my morning rant. And that’s my prayer request: to find joy and passion in my pilgrimage.

Asking, seeking, knocking…
Asking, seeking,knocking… …
Asking, seeking,knocking… … …