is 100%.

I started a draft with this title about a month ago, but never got around to writting out my thoughts on this issue. Or rather, I avoided putting into words about these ill feelings because I thought it was just futile and useless. I didn’t want to whine, and just spit out whatever I was feeling… but now, the thought is a much more complete and processed.

As I have mentioned before, I am at that age where everybody around me is in a serious romantic relationship with somebody. Furthermore, friends my age are getting engaged to be married. On many occaisions, I am the only single person at various Small Groups gatherings. It is completely unavoidable NOT to feel left out, or simply “alone” in my place in life.

The title here simply means that the it is a 100% difference between being with somebody, and not. The difference and contrast is, quite frankly, very significant. For one to “have”, and for another (like myself) to “have not” has dramatic dissimilarities. All the issues and problems that one has–is in stark contrast to those who do not; the things that one has to do and be is extremely different for another who doesn’t have to do or be.

Let me try to contextualize this for you. It’s like the difference between having an iPod and not having an iPod. For the longest time, I did not have an iPod. I had an mp3 player to listen to music and sermons, yes. But everybody around me had an iPod–whether it be a regular hard drive version, a mini, shuffle, video, or nano… Apple’s iPod dominates the portable music player market. Regardless of what the competition has to offer, people still buy iPods and Apple keeps on selling them. To not have an iPod is to feel like a loner, a misfit. Honestly, that’s what I felt like: different. I reasoned with myself that iPods cannot play wma files and can only play legally downloadable music from iTunes alone. I’ve coveted others who had an iPod–especially a nano–because it is the popular, hip thing to have. (It’s just soo beautiful to look at, sleek, slender and nice to look at!) It is the norm and the standard; I was a bit un-normal and extra-ordinary for putting up an anti-Apple & anti-iPod stance.

I have an iPod now. Sure, I feel much better, and like I’m part of the in-crowd. But really, is the difference between not having an iPod and having one that much of a difference? In one respect, the difference is huge. I don’t know how to explain it…. but I feel completely different with it now, than before without–in a good way
However, in another respect, the difference is not that big. It is less than 100%. iPods plays music, and so does every other mp3 player.

Which brings me back to relationships and having a significant other. Very recently, I thought the difference is one hundred percent. But as I’ve always said, it’s all about our outlook on life–how we perceive our surroundings and what we have been given–that makes all the difference.

Perception is everything, and thus, seeing things in life clearly is very important. I may not have like so many of my friends “have”, in the sense of a fiance or a girlfriend/boyfriend, but I have friends whose relationship with me is something I value and cherish above and beyond romantic “relationships”. This is why I now see that the difference is less than 100%–because of the deep, beautiful conversations and relations I have with good friends. Even though I don’t have and am not a somebody to somebody… I have friends who are more than that and who can give me soo much, even if we’re not that kind of friends.

Hence, this is another reason I think perspecuity is the most underrated doctrine of all. You can never be too clear about where you stand, what you believe, how you feel, and what you want to do.

I didn’t know things were a bit unclear for me before, but I’m very glad that things are much clearer now–despite not really knowing what all this means right now.