What am I missing?

As of late, with all the buzz going around my little local Christian blogsphere circle about dating/courting, I have talked a lot about my criterion for finding the right person.

This morning, as I went out to buy some gifts and cards, I realized that in this hectic Christmas season I have neglected to elaborate that looking at the issue only in this way is wrong.  It is unbiblical; it is worldly.  I have blogged about “finding” the right person because that I know that I have the biblical bases covered (or at least, I’ve tried to & hope I have it all covered).

Indeed, if you have not already–you should stop trying to find the right person, and start being the right person.  Biblical dating is more about “being”  the right person to serve my future spouse’s needs and be a God-glorifying husband or wife, while modern wordily dating has us seeking to find the right person ‘for me’.

I sincerely don’t want to sound proud, like I got it all down pat, but I do consider myself to be right.  By His Spirit I am laboring in the pursuit of Christ-likeness, and a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.  And in this pursuit of holiness, I run and run, seemingly with no one truly noticing or affirming my humble submission to the demands of Jesus.  It’s not that I desire human applause, but some encouragement and thanks would sure be uplifting.  It is in this mode of continual striving to BE better that I am stuck in an endless cycle: when/where is the woman who also has been working on ‘being’ the ‘right’ person?

There is a time for everything, and this Calvinist sure knows that.  But at this moment in time, how are we to understand having or not having something/someone in our lives?  Does mean that God thinks it is not the right time yet?

Or, consequently, maybe not all God’s criteria have been met by both parties in order to begin being together?  (Put it another way: the stars have not crossed for it to happen yet.)  What, then, am I missing?  How good is good enough?  How ready is ready?

One pastor’s practical advice is simply: if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date.  It is one interesting extreme position to hold, but I do see in it the motive that he believes is biblically required.  While this may at first seem to be all about financial readiness, I see it primarily as a spiritual, emotional, and intellectual maturity issue.  As I have explained previously, Paul’s exhortation of becoming a man and putting away childish ways in 1 Cor. 13 is a three-fold maturity of speech, thought, and reason.  All three is required, not just one or two.  How mature in these areas in order for us to be ready?  well… that is where there is no real black and white: such varies between person to person, in their relationship to Christ.  And depending on that maturity in Spiritual relationship with the LORD, the earthly relationships between other people will be reciprocally.

As much as I can audit my own maturity, the question remains for you my dear friends to evaluate me: Am I ready?  If yes, how so?  If not, what am I missing?

Since over a year has passed since I was in a relationship, and since the year is coming to a close, I thought it would be a good time to reflect and re-examine these issues.  Constructive comments are welcomed.