Where are the godly women?

In God’s kindness to us, He doesn’t just nourish us, He has provided an infinite variety of foods that not only keep us alive, but that also taste good to us. In the same way, God has graciously given us physical attraction, chemistry, and pleasure to make marriage and its unique intimacy that much sweeter to us. That’s good and right.

Enjoy those things, but don’t be a slave to them. Desire them, but have a realistic idea of what those words mean in a fallen world, and the limited role they should play in one of the most important decisions of your Christian life. Remember, “the movies” aren’t real, and they aren’t the standard. It’s not that attraction makes no difference, but it shouldn’t make the difference.

What should make the difference? Well, the Bible talks about the characteristics of godly men and women. These are the things that the Lord Himself considers to be good attributes, or, to use a different word, “attractive.”

Is your potential spouse clearly a believer in Jesus (2 Cor. 6:14)? Does he/she exhibit the fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5)? Does he/she show clear regard and care for others? Does he/she show evident love for God in how he/she spends time and money, how he/she interacts with others?

Women, is this a man you respect? Could you envision yourself submitting to and following him over the course of your lives together? Do you believe he will care well for you and your children? Will he serve you above himself and encourage your spiritual growth, as he is called to do in Ephesians 5? Is he growing in the characteristics of biblical manhood (1 Timothy 3, Titus 1 and 1 Peter 3)?

Men, do you believe this woman will care for you well and be a good mother and discipler to your children? Is she growing in the characteristics of biblical womanhood and what the Bible calls “true beauty” (Proverbs 31, 1 Peter 3, Titus 2)? Do you envision her being supportive of you in whatever ministry God may call you to?

-Scot Croft, “Brother You’re Like a Six“

I live in a postmodern era, where everything I know about God has been boiled down to seeker-sensitive, Purpose-Driven, God wants me to be rich, contemplative spiritualy, and “emerging”.

My life centers around the church, and what it means to be a cross-bearing Christ follower.  As one who is in the process of planning to attend seminary in the (distant near) future to prepare for pulpit ministry, and as one who is a tad right-of-center theologically, it is dog-gone hard to find a godly woman–one who is more than less equally yoked to me.  I mean, seriously, where are the godly women?

One who is Reformed in their understanding of salvation, who has a high view of the God’s sovereignty and Scriptural sufficiency/inerrancy, one who can explain the 5-points of Calvinism, who understands postmodernity and has a less-than-favorable position about the Emerging Church… I see that there is currently no one who meets such criteria–who loves what I love, who is passionate about what I am passionate about, who talks about what I love talking about, who would be willing to sacrifice their career to humbly serve God in supporting mine.

I’m not making a “list” here, but just saying that in order for the relationship to really work, these are things that will preoccupy my mind, of which I will have tantrums and yap endlessly about.  I’m a theological-geek/dork/nerd who isn’t even a seminarian yet!  I mean, honestly–what kind of girl would care about such things?, nevermind have a position on them!  No person would ever truly fulfill any list, so I won’t even bother trying to make one up–we all are not perfect, but the question is whether or not one is perfect for me… whether or not we are perfect for each other.

I don’t ever want to “settle” for the next best thing… I always strive to attain the best thing there is (at the time), and do much in-depth research before getting it: whether it be a job, technology, or a relationship.  Too often, I see people around me settle into a long relationship since very early on… and they end up not fighting/arguing because they know they the other is good enough, even though it’s not all that they planned on / wanted in the first place, even though he or she wasn’t what they had in mind.  These people don’t want to ruin a good thing, and just want the security and stability of a constant relationship–I mean who doesn’t want security and stability right!?!

When I see a couple like this who are basically moderately satisfied with their relationship, I know they deserve better, and they both know it themselves too,  HOWEVER, neither of them wants to go through the stress and anxiety of having big fights or breaking up and starting over in another relationship.  To me, it’s a sad tale that is all too popular like McDonalds: it tastes good, but it doesn’t really fill you up… it’s like, “I’ll settle for you, even though you are not the best thing for me.”  I don’t ever want to be in a position like that.

Hence, these days my sleeping hours are out-of-sync, and I really do not know how I can fall asleep.

There is nobody.

I don’t know when it started being like this, but it was recent, within the past 3 months… the feeling more recently intensifying over the past month.  As long as I can remember, there has always been somebody in mind, a picture in my head that I fall asleep to, an image that gives me hope, a vision that drives me to live for tomorrow.

Right now however, there is nobody.  And these days, I just lie silently thinking about nothingness until my mind is too tired to think anymore, and then I fall asleep.  OR, I just watch tv until I’m too tired and finally doze off.

There is no longer any target in front of me that I am aiming for.  It is a very weird, awkward feeling, not having such a prospect to strive for… it’s been a long time since I have been like this.  Even though I know this is what is needed in this time of my life, I sense of disappointment still surrounds me as I see everybody else around me with their target in sight (even my younger sister).

And so, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, and yet it feels so much like I am running aimlessly in a direction–but the road ahead of me is dark, and I cannot see the road that is front of me.  Nevertheless, may your Word be a lamp to my feet (Psalm 119) and the path upon which I walk (Psalm 19).