On this day last year (2005)… I do not remember where I was. I do not remember receiving any gifts, nor do I remember going out for a special meal with family/friends–though I’m sure all of which did happen. I do not remember how I felt waking up that morning, nor do I recall how God’s glorious natural creations looked like that day. I have no memory of that day, or that week for that matter… I spent this past Saturday night lying in my bed trying to reminisce about the things that happened a year ago today, but for 2 hours I couldn’t fall asleep nor was I able to recover any memory of it all.
I do remember receiving one card from an old friend. I am really not sure why this person bought it, or why they wrote wishes in it. I do not remember what was written in the card, but I am, was and will still be uncertain of the mind-set, motive and methodology behind giving me the card. When given something freely that is unmerited, people often say that it is the thought that counts. I honestly believe this truth as I generally detest all forms of materialism. However, I felt that the card was given me out of courtesy, out of a legalistic “I don’t really want to, but I basically have to at least give you this” in putting out a appearance of thanksgiving for the friendship we have had.
That is all I can remember. The card I no longer have, and I don’t even remember who it was that gave it to me. Whoever it was, it seems that I do not know this person anymore, which is quite sad and unfortunate, as I know that God causes all things to work together for the good of us who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.
When you and I embrace surrender…
Looking back upon this year, I feel disappointed at my life and what I have accomplished… which to me in one sense… is nothing. All that I have planned to accomplish by this time in my life, I have not. Maybe I just had too great of expectations for myself, but it seems that with every day that passes away with the wind, I am falling more and more behind in building the life and legacy that God wants from me. I need only to look up into the God’s sky to yearn for the voice of my Father in Heaven who I hope would say, “Well done, my dear faithful son.” I think about this short life I have lived so far and realize that I am but a vapor, a mist appears for a little time and then vanishes. Everything that I have done with my own hands, of all the service and ministry I have done for the LORD, there is the one thing I know–that it’s not about me or my name but about Him and His renown:
“All that I have accomplished–You have done for me.”
(Isaiah 26:12, NIV)
Over these past 12 months, I have dwelled and tried to live out Philippians 3:13-14… and maybe it is just the Holy Spirit’s work in me that has me forgetting so much of the past. By His grace & Spirit I have tried hard to strain forward to what lies ahead, and as I grow older it is just kind of bittersweet to see all that I would be leaving behind, metaphorically speaking. For the next 12 months, I earnestly pray and hope that I can be disciplined by His grace, to live a humble orthodoxy, and be dead to sin and alive to God… for this is my birthday resolution:
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Please forgive my less than ecstatic tone of voice here… maybe I’m just really tired at 12:30am, but in conclusion:
On this day 23 years ago… I was born. 
-For His fame
and the unending memory of His name
