Taking refuge in Him

I had a busy weekend attending the “Coming To The Table” Conference held by the Tribe of Issachar @ TCMC; KBBQ birthday dinner for my church friend James Lau; 18th anniversary of my church where we had a special joint service with our District Superintendant speaking and a drama/sharing program after lunch on Sunday;  then Family Cell Group at night.  All in all, quite tired after a jam-packed weekend.

18 years has passed since my church, Toronto Jaffray Chinese Alliance, started in 1988.  My family first attended Scarborough Chinese Alliance when we first migrated to Scarborough… so other than missing the first couple services, my family and I have been here since the very beginning.  Much has changed over the years: we’ve moved from one rented building to another, the departure of our founding Senior pastor, which caused the departure of many church members… a few pastors coming and going… the move into our own building in 1995… and even a female elder being elected.  It’s been interesting seeing it all happen before my eyes and ears; for a large part of my allife I did not understand what was going on, in terms of church politics/conflicts/people leaving.  But over time, I grew up and grew older, and began seeing and understanding things a bit more.

I can’t believe that I’ve actually been serving, leading worship for over 10 years now; part of me doesn’t want to admit it!  I just feel so old and prefer to think of it as less than a decade LOL  When I first started serving on worship team, I recall that it was because I was asked by Uncle Alfred, our english ministry elder/deacon back then (I think!).  I’ve never had any musical training whatsoever, and I really don’t know what was in the mind of the church leadership asking me to serve, but I am thankful that they did.  They helped me find my place in God’s kingdom by pushing me into serving at church; and praise God that I wasn’t stubborn but was humble enough to take a step of faith into it.  Over a decade has past, and our english congregation has moved from the small “Hosanna” room where we first had our own “English Service” in 1995, then into the fellowship hall in the basement, then in recent years finally moving up to the main sanctuary!  I’ve had the privilge of serving with and being lead into the Word of God by 2 English Pastors so far… and for that I will always be thankful for the Spirtual guidance they have provided me and our congregation.

I wish I could stay around longer, because it really is my desire to serve and be a part of this beautiful bride of Christ here at Jaffray.  And even though things may not go the way I want it to sometimes, even though change takes a long long long time here, and even though I am finding that my personal conserative, Reformed & Charismatic theology not being compatible with that of our church.  And even though all sorts of emerging literature and theology is slowly and silently seeping into our English congregation…. –I love my church, and want to stay and to serve here.  If there’s one thing that the “Coming To The Table” Conference helped me see this weekend, is that I should be truly thankful for my church and how far we have come.  PRAISE GOD for letting me be part of such a beautiful body of Christ!  I really wish I could stay a while longer, though I forsee that it might not be possible if God relocates me for work.  I just want to follow God wherever He leads me: in obedience and in sacrifice.

There are negotiables and there are non-negotiables in church.  We must keep the main thing the main thing.  And where non-negotiables have become negotiable, I think those would be the areas where serious diaologue must be exchanged between the church’s eldership, pastoral staff, and congregation.  I pray that our pastoral staff would be more humble in seeking the congregation for our views on these things, because indeed some people and some circumstances may make it too easy to just sit back & gossip & not talk about it.

Anyways, this post wasn’t intended to be all about just church.  Saturday night and Sunday morning, I had quite some trouble sleeping… just wrestling in my head and in m heart about God’s timing, and where I am in life.  Just been thinking to myself how there will likely never be a “right time” to start a relationship, how I will likely be in a job which will make it extremely hard to have one, and how where God is taking me in life will not be easy for any relationship.  As I sat silently awake in bed, I couldn’t help but feel saddened and disappointed at this… how in the next 3-5years there will never be the right time to start a relationship; how difficult it will be to start and maintain one; how it will never be easy.  Patience is needed.  Above all, faith in God alone is needed; trust.  Trusting in God’s timing and that I am doing the right thing, doing what God desires of me can often be hard… Sometimes the options can both seem so similar in being what God would want from me, and I guess this is where I need Divine discernment, to know what God’s will of command is.

Before I went to bed on Saturday night, God led me to Psalm 34 in my HCSB Bible:

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good.
How happy is the man who takes refuge in Him!
9 Fear the LORD, you His saints,
for those who fear Him lack nothing.
10 Young lions lack food and go hungry,
but those who seek the LORD
will not lack any good thing.

I focused on verse 8 for the past couple days… just trying to think upon the goodness of the LORD, to taste it, to savour it, to see it and believe it: the goodness of the Father to me.  And then just meditating upon the happiness of being in His refuge.  The ESV says “blessed” instead, but I think the wording of the HCSB is also accurate: if I take refuge in Him–I will be blessed, I will be happy!

Tonight, I just want to focus on fearing God in order that I may lack nothing.

Fear the LORD, you His saints,
for those who fear Him lack nothing.

To take refuge in Him… and to revere Him with humble fear.