Let coffee be cofee

Grande Caramel Macchiato, extra hot, with extra caramel.  That’s how I like my latte macchiato, one my favorite drinks from Starbucks.. costs about $5 =D  And yes, I actually have my very own Starbucks Duetto Visa card!

But this post is not about coffee, though I am very picky about my macchiato being made quickly and precisely to Starbucks standard.  This post is about dating & relationships.

OOoooh! I should see readers flocking to read this post now!  LOL

My friend Kat (who’s in Taiwan right now) sent me a link to this recent article at Christianity Today by the same title.  Reading through it a couple times brought to life many of the dormant frustrations I have about dating in the Christian circle, and relationships at church, fellowship/CCF.

So often I’ve found myself and seen friends setting these rules up for ourselves.  “She must be ____” OR “he must be ____” this or that!  We set requirements for the kind of person we want to date / start an intimate relationship with.  And as the article mentions, both genders often subconciously or even consciously start daydreaming or fantasizing about the “future” when were about to go out on a casual get together with just another friend in Christ.  We overanalyze and overplan about possibilities that aren’t actually there, or we are too critical & confine ourselves to our list of accepted qualities.

If there is ever a list of requirements, is not found in Ephesians 5?  ~sighs~ What more do we need to take that small step of being a better sister or brother to a fellow Christ follower.  As the article encourages, we should be less “cavalier with others’ feelings” and also not “totally unexcited about dating prospects.”  We need to let coffee be just coffee, and stop fooling ourselves about futile hypotheticals about fairy tales.

Life is too short to just let things be the way they are.  We live in times of reformation, and continually being reformed we definitely should be.  I for sure have become more Josh Harris-like in my charismatic conservativeness of dating.  But all things considered, we must stop playing these games, and just be honest with who we are and what we want.  We need to stopy pretending like life is or will be a fairy tale and live in the reality that when 2 people come together in relationship, both are sinners.  There’s no escaping the reality that one or the other is better or cleaner or less depraved than the other… We must stop ourselves right NOW from putting this misconception in our minds, that somehow, he or she could be the answer to our problems.  Coz they’re not the answer.

The answer is Christ.  We know all this.  We just gotta let our orthodoxy be our orthopraxy… and let our actions speak loudly as a testimony to what we believe in.

And so where this leaves us, is hopefully in a position where all of us, brothers and sisters in Christ, know that.  What to do now then?

For one, as I mentioned already, is to stop taking everything too seriously.  Stop thinking that we are giving somebody false hope, when coffee is just coffee and lunch is just lunch.  Let’s not lose out on the opportunities to build each other up in Christ, because of our fear that the other person might feel being led on.  May we be upfront and just say what we think and feel, to be less stubbourn / proud and more humble, more sacrificial and submissive to the sovereignty of God in our lives.  I am not saying that we shouyld compromise or get rid of the good standards about the kinds of people we want for a mate, but that since we already know that he or she is in Christ, then why not take a step of faith and become that body of Christ that seeks to glorify Him and edify each other in all that we do!?!

In the end, God has everything in His hands, within His control.  Why short-change ourselves and give up these chances to build good Christian friendships AND just let it all take its due course as God so wills?  We’ll even reap the benefits of less stress before outings, more interaction with each other.

Dating is quite the taboo subject in my Christian circle at church at least.  We don’t say what we mean, and hide our positions and feelings from each other, in fear of what others may think or react.  The disappointment is that we are all graduates, 22years old, young adults.  Why do we are we not open and honest about everything?  Why is it that all we talk about is “small talk”, work, work, the Jays, the weather, church, and work?  Why is it that there lacks a true community of faith?  We are all responsible, and I humbly know that I have not lived up to my part of the responsibility.  But forgive me please, I’m still struggling, I still hurt from past scars, and this | wall is a defense measure… which with due honesty and genuine conversation about the things that matter, it can be lowered and taken down.

I hope I’ve said something understandable LOL!  I am just fed up with the mind and heart games we Christians play with each other.  I’m tired of being scared or fearful of what others might think.  I just want to be led by the Spirit to love each other as brothers and sisters.  No alterior motives.  Let’s surrender it all in faith in order to build a true community of faith.

So what does this mean in terms of where I stand in this dating sphere?
I stand in the grace of Christ: in Him who gives me the ability to magnify Him and build each other up.