First, on a side note:

I read a lot of blogs, a lot of them, and many different kinds, ranging from those of friends, pastors, theologians, technology enthusiasts, and the like.  I find it very interesting how some people are able to freely express themselves, their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions, but for some, their freedom of expression stops at naming people they are writing about.  It is like there’s some unwritten censorship rules that fluctuate depending on the situation, day or subject.  I’m sure I even do this a bit… Maybe it’s a good thing, maybe it’s a bad thing.  Nevertheless, it’s a thing to take note of and I’ve just noted it here for future reference.

Blogs/websites are a great tool for global communication, and in general, it is public.  If I wanted to say something for the whole world to read, I would post it here.  Slander is a false and malicious statement or report about someone that is intended to injur his or her reputation.  If you think I’ve slandered, please correct me before I cause any serious damage.

However, if there’s something I want to say specific to (a) certain person(s), I would choose to send snail-mail, electronic-mail, instant-messaging, SMS/MMS, or better yet, a phone call or an in-person meeting.  If there’s something I’ve posted for the world to read, which relates to you personally and directly, & you think that it should be removed from public viewing, let me know & I’ll see about taking it offline.

The end.  Moving on to today’s real post:

Solace.  noun.

1. Comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or distress; consolation.
2. A source of comfort or consolation.
3. The title of a short-story I wrote:

“I can’t see you anymore.”

Samantha stood there, startled by Wade’s statement.  Frozen by the surprising content of his words, Sam looked deeper into his eyes, wondering if he was just messing with her.

“What!?!  Are you kidding me,” she responded.  The look on Wade’s face was dead serious.  She found no traces of a “joke” in his demeanour.

Sam could not believe it.  She had been dating Wade for almost three years, since grade ten, and after all the academic stumbling blocks that had stood in Wade’s path, Sam still loved him for who he was: caring and persistent, though he was fairly neglected by his parents for his low academic achievements.  Wade’s wild and careless side was evened out by Sam’s determination to have a normal relationship with a guy she treasured dearly.  She helped him out with his math and sciences—she was at the top of the class.  And through the trials of people’s opinions, that Wade was a hopeless case, that she deserved better than him, Sam pulled out of the stormy days and found consolation in helping a lost soul back to his feet.

“You are serious, aren’t you!?”  He nodded very seriously, with a sad look on his face.  In response to his infantile act, Sam raised her voice.  “I can’t believe you are doing this—I mean, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me right now!  At your own graduation party!  With like the entire graduating class here!  You have to do this to me now!?!”

The room grew silent, and somebody turned down the music.  Everybody turned to see what was going on.

In her mind, all Sam could think of was that night when they lost their virginity.  After two years and after all of Wade’s patience in waiting to fully express his love for Sam, they made love together in the boat that belonged to Wade’s dad.  It happened at the end of this past summer, and they both knew it had been the right time.  She loved him and he loved her.  They both knew it and had told each other many times, though they never told anybody that they had made love together—not even to their own best friend, Lloyd.

“Yeah-huh,” Wade stuttered.  Sam let out a big sigh of disbelief.  “You gotta understand Sam!  I can’t do this anymore!  I can’t live like I’m subservient to your help!  It’s like…I’m always the one who is being helped… and you’re like the mommy who’s always taking care of her kid…  I can’t live like that anymore!  I just—can’t.”

Sam began crying, now with feelings of helplessness and pain.  “I thought we talked about this!”  She was overwhelmed by the numbness that she felt hearing Wade’s words, and she in turn cried harder.

Wade held her and shook her to get her to stop crying, trying to make her understand.  “You don’t deserve this, Sam.  You don’t deserve me holding you back from your full potential!  “I’m going to be at the police academy and you’re gonna be at Harvard!  Harvard,” he sighed.  He lowered his voice a little now, but it was clearly evident that every pair of eyes in the room was on them.  “You deserve to do what you want, without me holding you back.  You deserve better, because I’m just going to be a stump on your road that doesn’t know how to get up by himself.”

“I loved you,” Sam whimpered again in reply.

“I know… but this is for the better.  And you knew that this was something that was eventually gonna happen!  And just right now—I think it’s the time for it.”

Sam did know it.  Part of her mind was reminding her that she did feel restrained from being all that she wanted to be.  Part of her did know that something like this was going to happen, and it was only a matter of time.  This was the only satisfaction Sam found here, and in turn, her sobbing slowed to sniffled crying.

“Okay!?  You understand?” Wade asked, the situation now having calmed doing a little.

Sam only nodded, her eyes saturated with sadness, tears running down her cheeks, overwhelmed with her new pain and freedom.  The situation was ugly, and she looked ugly too, but that did not matter to her.  What mattered to Sam now was the fact that she felt so lonely, and empty, and lost.  Her mind spun faster as Wade let her go and walked away, into the kitchen.  She could only feel emptiness and just stood there for a minutes, not knowing what to do anymore.  Sam just wanted somebody to hold her now, and comfort her in this disrupting time of misery.

Lisa, Sam’s best friend, slowly came over and took Sam into her arms.  And as Lisa brought her out of the living room and into washroom where nobody could bother them, a small feeling of relief came over Sam and began to wipe away her tears.

The music began to play again, but nobody was dancing anymore.  Only talking, everybody discussing with each other what had just happened.  The events that just took place were unexpected to all.  Some other girls who knew Sam began to cry their own tears, while other people just talked about their disbelief, while some of the guys laughed and cheered at the “just-released” social opportunity to get with Sam.  The mood was no longer happy that everybody was finished high school, but solemn, that nobody was anticipating such an incident to take place—never mind at Wade’s own party.

Continued:

….Read the rest of “Solace”, a short-story I wrote back in October of 2001.

Please comment and let me know what you think of the story!  (Mind you, I was only 18 when I wrote it!)