This past weekend, I was at Trent University in Peterborough, ON for the 2006 Campus Challenge.  It was my 2nd year in a row being “Worship Coordinator”, but this time, I gave myself the title Coordinator/Advisor because I stayed off the stage for the most part, not really part of the onstage team leading the music.  It was a different experience from what I did last year, and definitely a learning experience.

Yesterday was a pretty unproductive day at work for me, because I was struggling with the aftermath of CC’06 worship.  Below is the email I sent to my worship team, CC’ed to the CC Committee.  In short, I am simply struggling with trying to understand why various on-stage musical blunders have happened, hindering and distracting the delegate’s ability to worship.  A significant number of things were done that should not have been done, things said that no veteran, experienced worship leader would dare say during a Sunday Worship Service, let alone a large student ministry conference… Right now, weighing out the successes and failures of the entire team (myself included), I am struggling with a glorious God who is quite disappointed that we did not make His praise glorious enough.

Just because the Spirit manisfested itself quite visibly on Saturday and Sunday night does not discredit the fact that the lack of musical excellence and joking/laughing about it de-valued the sanctity of being in God’s sanctuary, the Holiest of Holies.  I praise GOD with a prostrate posture in my heart for His grace and mercy, for living in the New Testament era…cos God forbid, if we were in the Old Testament, the manisfestation of our LORD God would not be pretty–and we would really experience for ourselves what “Holy is the LORD God Almighty, the earth is filled with His glory”–it would really be “awesome”, as in the correct meaning of this Biblical word: aweful, terrible, scary.

But thank you LORD for Your begotten Son, Jesus Christ, our Saviour…who is our propitiation.  And I suppose I shouldn’t over-analyze things, and just relax, and listen to God speak His Words over me, 1 Samuel 3:10.

I dunno, I think I need a vacation.  Like really, a vacation.  Last night, I got home from work, watched the season finale of The O.C….and then fell asleep waiting for my mom to finish cooking dinner.  By the time I woke up to go to the washroom, it was almost 10pm, and I just didn’t have it in my hear to go eat.  My stomach didn’t growl or make any noises… I was just soo tired from wrestling in my heart and my mind all day about how the CC’06 worship ministry went.

Thankfully, I had a dream, a very nice and peaceful dream, which involved me and a young lady with pretty, dark eyes and an brownish/green ae shirt… nothing spectacular happened, but it was just a really slow moving scene: we made eye contact with each other from a distance, and walked towards each other.  the dream didnt have us meeting and talking or anything at all, but we just smiled and waved and slowly began advancing towards each other.  And that was it…that was all I can remember, and all I really need.  It made my night very restful and peaceful.

What more, I woke up…check my email–and got an email from her =D  LOL  A good start to a better day than yesterday!  I think my pretty words are coming back to me–I missed them yesterday!

Hi team,

CC 2006 has passed, and the time has come for you all on the Worship Team to reflect on your worship, as a worshipper, as an instrumentalist, as a so-called “worship leader“… on the good and the bad, the successful and unsuccessful.  The general feeling I have in my heart, soul, mind, and strength is… bittersweet.  If you would like to discuss with me how you felt about your / the team’s success in being an

an effective corporate worship leader,
aided and led by the Holy Spirit,
who skillfully combines biblical truth with music
to magnify the worth of God and the redemptive work of Jesus Christ,
thereby motivating the gathered church
to join him in proclaiming and cherishing the truth about God
and seeking to live all of life for the glory of God…

please call me, and we shall meet up to talk.  I love Starbucks and would be very happy to be treated to a grande caramel macchiato ;-P

I’ve been listening to the recordings of the conference worship music, and I am, umm, umm, umm, speechless.  <>   From listening and reflecting in solitude, I’ve been seeking God to examine me, to find reasons why various songs/sets turned out the way they turned out.  In general 2 major reasons I have concluded is: 1st* musical leadership hindered by excessive fun times as friends; 2nd* nothing really except that Paul’s words in Romans 1:20 comes to mind “without excuse”.

To say that some people we’re able to glorify God in our “falling short” and thus worship went well, is insufficient.  To say that most we’re hindered/distracted from worshipping God by our falling short and hence worship didn’t go well, would be more accurate.  To figure out in your own heart whether or not you made His praise glorious through your playing/singing/leading, this is of utmost importance.

Many things to think about before any of us lead musically any type of worship service again, whether it be in a group of 3 friends at home or 200 people at church… It’s been a memorable time serving with you, and pray God will transform you from glory to glory.  I am a true believer that things don’t grow on mountain tops, but in the valley: the majority of our growth and learning experience will not be at the mountain of CC’06 but rather from going back into the valley that is our daily lives.

As always, SDG,

-Alex

See a devotional we did a while back