Time goes by

There are days when it feels like it takes forever for time to pass by…when u’re in the trenches of schoolwork, or just plain busyness/stress, and u just want it to be over quick.  And then there are days that just fly by so quickly u just wish u could press pause so u cud savour the moment.

Right now, it’s a mix of both.   It’s been a long week, with 2 midterms…But I got through them, I worked ‘harder’…and now, I’ve only 5 weeks of Ryerson University left.  Yes, that is 5 weeks including Final Exams…. I am done and done my schooling for my BA in Geographic Analysis after my last exam on Friday April 21!

I’ve had a lot of quiet time lately… a lot of times to myself.  I haven’t made much plans to meet friends for meals lately, or even to chill n catchup.  I’ve actively just let myself be more by myself…a lot of time to think, meditate, pray, to reminisce, to look back and remember how this journey to this point in life has been.  In looking forward, I see so much possibilities, it’s pretty clear in my life where I want to go and where God wants me to go, so I’ve no fear about life after graduation.  …It’s just that in looking forward, I also look back.  sighs… I look back and see what my past year, past 4 years has been like.  I think back on all the friends I’ve made, and how we’ve grown up and grown older together, and all that we have experienced as friends, as brothers and sisters in Christ.

And when I think back upon my life, I cry.  The more moments I look back on, I cry a bit more for every one.  They are tears of joy and thankfulness for all that we’ve been blessed with…but moreover, they are tears of sadness: the loss of friendship and contact that is eminent, the time and distance that will separate us.  It’s like, here today and gone tomorrow.  I feel like I’m–we–are at crossroads.  For the past few years, our lives have come together from so many different backgrounds to meet at this juncture, and soon enough, we will be going our separate ways.  At least I will be. 

The time we have together is drawing to an end.  For some, I won’t ever see you again, or talk to you much even…our lives crossed for a few moments and may not ever again.  For others, and especially those select few whom I cherish dearly, I really wish, hope and pray that our lives will be forever interwined intimately….I wish, hope, and pray…and still knowing that such likely will not happen.  Part of the reason is because we’re just doing such different things/living such different lives, and another part of it is me…I’m running towards some things in life (maybe ~sighs~ even running away from some things) and it breaks my heart to know that you won’t be a part of it…  Sacrifices that I’m gonna hafta make in order to truly be happy, to fulfill the calling God has put upon my life.

Maybe I’m naive, or too emotional…but I’ll be honest.  Our square, the 4 of us…I always hoped we could stay close friends for the rest of our lives together on this earth.  I promise you with everything I am, from the bottom of my heart–that I will make every effort to stay connected to our community faith that we’ve built up.  But as usual (I don’t know why it has to be like this), it’s not in my hands; I don’t have control over this…  I know God has control over all things, and has His will of decree that includes all of us..but He also has His will of command, and I know for sure that He calls us to never give up meeting with one another.

And so, I just pray for obedience.  Obedience for myself to obey Him…and for you, whomever you are, that is reading this: humble obedience.

Thanx to a friend and brother in Christ who shared this with me…u know who u are.  It’s helped me in understand the whole process…and so, if it could be edifying to my readers, I thought I’d post it.  I still wear my old CCF bracelet from last year’s Lent; I never really wore it during Lent 2005, but I’ve been wearing it continuously since Easter 2005.  Seeing how that wearing it along with my watch on my left hand kinda hinders me from typing on my lappy, I thought this was a double reminder:

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring;
it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off;
it is the realisation that I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another;
it is to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for,
but to care about.

To “let go” is not to “fix”,
but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny,
but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To “let go” is not to is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to criticise and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To “let go” is not to regret the past,
but to grow and to live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.

>There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.  We love because he first loved us. (1John 4:18-19 ESV)