I’m back from my last CCF Winter Retreat as a student, but am about to leave for Niagara with a few friends.   Winter Retreat this year was very solemn for me, simply because of I am currently in a Spiritual valley–a time of relatively reflective quietness, continual re-evaluation of all of life’s priorities, contemplation of what it means to embrace His Sovereign Grace. 

I’ll post more on what happened @ Retreat later…I’ve yet to have much time to reflect on the weekend, but for now, I just wanna share a devotional I read today, very fitting as Ash Wednesday and Lent approaches in about 8 days.

—-

Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to John, to be baptized by him. John would have prevented him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” But Jesus answered him, “Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he consented. (Matthew 3:13-15, ESV)

He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”  (1 Corinthians 1:30-31, ESV)

CHRIST DIED FOR OUR SINS, AND LIVED FOR OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS - The Lord Jesus Christ not only died an atoning death for our sins, but He also lived a sinless life that perfectly fulfilled the righteous standards of the law. If all that was necessary for our justification was the death of Jesus on the cross, He could have come down to earth on a parachute on Good Friday, died on the cross for us, and three days later, risen again. But we all know that this is not what happened. Why? Because that would never have been enough.

The good news of the Gospel is certainly that Christ died for our sins.. but it also includes the fact that He lived for our righteousness. For more than 33 years, Christ was tempted in every way like us, yet He was without sin (Heb. 4:15). Christ is the only One who can say that He loved His Father perfectly in life, with all His heart, soul, mind and strength.

At the cross then, all our sins were laid on Him (though of course, He remained the holy and spotless Lamb of God, in and of Himself) and as our sin bearer, He was punished in our place. As the angel declared to Joseph in Matthew 1:21, “you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.”

“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree” (1 Pet. 2:24).

Isa 53:5, 6 says, “But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.”

But that is far from all of the story. There was a double imputation that took place on the cross. If Christ had merely paid the penalty for our sins, our debt to God would have been cancelled, and no punishment would be due to us, thank God! But that is not nearly enough to gain an entry into heaven. That would simply remove the outstanding debt we owed to God and bring us to zero… and zero is not enough. Jesus said, “Unless your righteousness (positive) exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees you shall in no way enter the kingdom of God.” (Matt. 5:20)

We as sinners not only need the removal of the negative (our sin) but the presence of the positive… full and complete righteousness to be able to stand before a holy God just in His sight. So not only were our sins imputed to Christ and He bore their full punishment for us on the cross, but positively, the righteousness of Christ was imputed to us. The punishment due to us because of our sin came upon Him, and the pleasure of God due to Jesus’ complete obedience to every jot and tittle of the law, came upon us. The very righteousness of Jesus Christ is the righteousness imputed to us by grace alone, through faith in Christ alone. This righteousness is one that has perfectly fulfilled the entire demands of the law of God.

The work of Christ is perfect in every respect, and perfect in every aspect. The righteousness now enjoyed by the believer is an alien one (one that comes from outside of himself) for it is the righteousness of Christ Himself. It comes to us as a gift, not something earned (Rom. 5:17), and is the cause of our rejoicing in the direct presence of the Lord. “For He (God) made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin, to become sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Cor. 5:21. As believers in Christ, we’ve been made righteous with a righteousness that has never known sin, and has fully complied with all the righteous demands of the law. Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Source

Who knows how long this will last
Now we’ve come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say goodbye 

Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standin’ by
But “happily ever after” fails
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly

But I know a place where we can go
That’s still untouched by men–And wash away this sin
We’ll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass waves in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

O’ beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They’re beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie

Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

When you don’t have something, you wish the world you did and feel like crap because life seems so empty and meaningless without it; you wander through life lost, continuously searching to find that one other to share your life and its sense of completeness with…and maybe after a while of endless searching, you give up, wave the white flag and stop searching because you realize that genuine truth and beauty cannot be found in searching.  Rather, it finds you.

But once you have that something, your life is completely changed; this very life circumstance makes you happy; this reality seems like it was a real fairy tale come true; cloud number 9; like you were in heaven; and everything you see seems tremendously more colourful even though it really hasn’t changed; you cherish every moment of life so much more and pay special attention to the little details of life that you overlooked before; you find a touch of splendour and heaven in the strangest and oddest of places.

I wish my life would be the latter, I really do.  Living heaven on earth.  But unfortunately that is not the case; my life is the former.  and still, life goes on…the show must go on.  I live to die another day.  Die to self-trying and self-power and self-control.  Every part of my life I seem to have control over–school, work, what to eat or wear, but in this, I really do not…it is out of my hands, I cannot do anything about it, I do not have control over what happens.  And being without any control of my life freaks me out.  …Maybe this is God’s way of testing my true reformed/calvinistic beliefs, if I really do consider Him LORD over all.

Anywayz, here it is, my new attachment.  I splurged, because I can, and have nothing/nobody holding me back.  Found it on sale at Steve’s Music:
Behringer V-TONE BASS BDI21: Bass Amp Modeler/Direct Recording Preamp/DI Box

I can’t seem to find a 9v DC adaptor lying around, nor a 9v battery, so I’ve yet to plug it in and try it out…but dang, she looks gorgeous!

She needs a name–so please send in your suggestions! 
(FYI: my Bass guitar’s name is Joey, after Joey Yung)

See also this old post for reference on this topic.

For those who commemorated the infamous Feb.14 holiday created by Hallmark, please read this.

I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just gonna post it.. feel free to ask me about it (I enjoy phone calls and I love coffee/tea!) –  here is a list of seminaries I’ve been looking into:

• Asbury Theological Seminary
• Truett Seminary (Baylor University)
• Bethel Seminary
• Briercrest Seminary *CANADIAN*
• Calvin Theological Seminary
• Reformed Theological Seminary
• Regent College *CANADIAN*
• Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary
• Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
• Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary
• Trinity Evangelical Divinity School
• Tyndale Seminary *CANADIAN*
• Western Seminary
• Western Theological Seminary
• Westminister Theological Seminary
• Fuller Theological Seminary

I honestly cannot say that I am planning to stay in Toronto/Ontario for seminary (I’ve collected info on some more Canadian sems but highly unlikely that I’ll stay), that is if I get the internal and external calling to full-time ministry that requires me to obtain an M.Div.  The 2 Canadian schools are out west, and SBTS has a very attractive curriculum and faculty.  I am scared, overwhelmed, feeling so small and inadequate…empty, alone, with no mentor or confidant to bounce my thoughts, feelings, and passions with.

I don’t think my current environment and community is giving me the kind of support that is required for an improving spiritual health and disciplines…I feel like I’m at the top of the food chain at Jaffray and nobody truly feeding me in ministry, except Pastor Arthur.  I am hungry and am in need… sometimes I feel un-noticed, uncared for, and only encouraged when I put on a good show, or when others ‘enjoyed’ the worship time.  I’m not doing this for anybody, other than the Audience of One… …I feel like God is still not happy with me and what I’ve given to Him.  …which is probably why I myself ain’t so happy deep down on the inside: I’ve used up only like 5% of my potential, and I honestly need help to glorify God in my service to the fullest.

And I really hate this….that it’s not the ideal thing I was looking for.  Running away from my home church.  The more I read His Word and Christian books and the writtings of many pastors, my theology has been molded into one that has a firm stance on Christ alone, by grace alone, through faith alone, by the authority of the Scriptures alone, to the glory of God alone.  Hence I haven’t been satisified with being a fence sitter in the Alliance church.  And yet, nevertheless, albeit, I still love Jaffray and have given my life to this community of faith and would not want to go anywhere else.  But–there must be more than this.  Leaving in the near distant future will be very hard to swallow…and I’m not sure if I am ready yet to surrender all of my security and comfortability yet. 

Pray for me in this regard.

–

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 
And sorry I could not travel both 
And be one traveler, long I stood 
And looked down one as far as I could 
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
 
Then took the other, as just as fair, 
And having perhaps the better claim, 
Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 
Though as for that the passing there 
Had worn them really about the same,
 
And both that morning equally lay 
In leaves no step had trodden black. 
Oh, I kept the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way, 
I doubted if I should ever come back.
 
I shall be telling this with a sigh 
Somewhere ages and ages hence: 
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— 
I took the one less traveled by, 
And that has made all the difference.

-The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost (1874–1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920.

Check this out: http://www.thechurchreport.com/content/view/823/32/

Please COMMENT on what you think about this list!!  Personally, I’m quite disappointed that Louie Giglio (of Passion Conferences) was not included in this list:(   At least his buddy Andy Stanley is at a high #13!!–beating out a lot of people, including Max Lucado who came in at #17, John Piper came in at #24, Rob Bell at #25, Brian McLaren at #42, followed by Erwin McManus at #43, Beth Moore at #45.  Didn’t know Andy Stanley was so influential in the American church.

Dr.Phil is on the list at #50–I can’t believe they consider this guy a Christian, let alone of the top 50 most influential Christians in America!  Other surprises include pep-talker Joel Osteen and touch-and-be-healed crusader Benny Hinn.  And I’m quite disappointed that Al Mohler of the SBTS was not included :S

It’s been a very tiring weekend…having the Sunday service Lead Worshipper responsibility dropped on me very last minute gave me a lot of stress; practice on Sat night was very good and productive–but I overslept on Sunday morning, so bad, useless parents let me sleep through and did not help at all (even though they knew of my stress’ing over worship team this week).

Just had another worship practice tonite for Sun Feb26 service that we are to lead… it was more relaxing, as we just did some devos and prayed–LOL for like an hour (I seem to can’t stop talking when i’ve got so much i wanna share about ‘weorthscipe’).  After we prayed together, we just played through some new songs.  the session was just for that, learning new songs and simply worshipping together for the sake of worshipping together.  Still have trouble with “God of Justice (We Must Go)” but we found our groove playing Til I See You, Rescue, I Am Free, and All Over The World ;-2

Definitely praying for our church, and the direction we are going.  My English Pastor, Arthur Wong, is really imparting to us the vision and mission that God has given to our community of faith at Jaffray, especially for our english congregation.  To be frank and simple, we are striving to become a missional church and to do all that we do with the missional minset & purpose.  And it is definitely what we need and what God desires of us I think…Throughout our prayer time tonite with the worship team, Sharon, Nathan, and Vicky all brought up basically the same prayer items–the need to step out of our Christian bubbles and to be authentic followers of Christ in this world we live in, and still be fruitfully connected to a community of faith.

Anywayz, … …1 more day until God knows what.  I don’t know what to say, other than things have been the same.  Nothing’s really changed… the anchor is still my anchor.  Unfortunately, nothing more.  Seems impenetrable, unmoving in a negative way…the striving for more intimate friendship just seems like it’s not clicking.  I can be so upfront and honest with my friend Kalee or Catherine (and of course all many of my closer CCF lady friends) for instance… but this, I do not know why it’s not clicking.  How can I open my mouth, be real and honest (and not just dramatic about all the serious things) and just be open, easily talk.  It just doesn’t seem to be happening like that…why are we so, holding back, not opening up, not seem to be interested in the simple things,..and not just talking the small talk. 

Should it even start off as small talk, OR may it be that we are one and the same introverted types…both of us don’t wanna make the first move until we’re totally sure.  but we can’t be totally sure, coz we’re so similar, quiet, unwilling to make take the first step. and maybe it’s just me, who’s feels like i’ve got the whole world on my shoulders and feel like I need support and a devoted confidant in life to share my passions with.  I wanna say so much, and be honest genuine sincere…and maybe that’s why I feel like I gotta be the proactive pursuer.

Well I dont know what I’m really saying here, but come Feb14… maybe I’ll do something, maybe I won’t.  I prefer to, and hopefully buy something so there’s no turning back…  I’ve got this big speech being planned in my head that i should probably put down on cue cards; I’m thinking it’s gonna start off with the “you’re a great friend” speech, I might just keep it at that…or I can ask that famous Question of the Day that we used to ask each other so easily as kids:

“Will you be my Valentine?”

EDIT:

‘Til I See You
Joel Houston, Jad Gillies.

Verse 1:
The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And ’til I see You face to face
And grace amazing takes me home
I’ll trust in You

Verse 2:
With all I am I live to see Your Kingdom come
And in my heart I pray you’d let Your will be done
And ’til I see You face to face
And grace amazing takes me home
I’ll trust in You

CHORUS:
I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of you

Verse 3:
You are the voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And ’til I see You face to face
And grace amazing takes me home
I’ll trust in You

BRIDGE:
You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your Name

I just bought a new 110 CD storage tower from Grand & Toy on Thursday, and finally got my many many CDs organized a bit.  Check out the photo below: that’s my new CD Tower on the left, maybe 40 or so more CDs–Christian ones–lying on my lil coffee table…and my old 120 CD Tower on the right!

2nd picture below here, is my Stereo, with some CDs organized in a small CD tower & a couple tiny CD racks…and more Christan CDs lying arround…meaning, I still have a lot of CDs around un-stored/organized, most are Christian CDs.  *Oh, and yes, 90%+ of my CDs are legit/purchased!