7 days

Past couple days I’ve been…sulking?  I was thinking of posting something yesterday, since relatively a lot “happened”: awkward surprise, perplexed, intrigued, shocked, uneasyness, sudden/out-of-the-blue, confused…judgement affected without me actively letting it be influenced.  insert classic Alex smile face with question mark ;-?

7 days from now, my world could be flipped upside down, or maybe I’ll flip it upside down.  But I’ve got a feeling it’s not gonna be flipped at all, and then I’m gonna flip out (no matter how insignificantly) about this.  I honestly deteste being the only one who’s got the ball in hand and won’t do anything about it coz I know I suck at basketball and a very high probability that I’ll miss, but still there being a very minute possibility of scoring a basket.  Stupid analogy, thought of this just now on the fly :S  But u know what I mean.  Actually, better yet put it this way–I tried my hand at basketball, failed miserably despite it not being entirely my fault and lack of basketball skills; got thrown out of the sport…and now, I guess I’m moving back to what I enjoyed before: ice hockey.  I can skate, shoot, and boy can I shoot, and bodycheck…so I should be really good at this..(only thing is I haven’t learned how to hockey-stop, hopefully this doesn’t mean anything).

Anywayz, been browsing thru Swarovski twice within 7days, not a good thing to do–it gives me ideas, sets price ranges in my head, and gets me to evaluate varies shapes, sizes and bling-intensity of crystal jewellery.  Last Thursday I went with my sis Jack, and today with Joyce.  Hmmm…I dunno, honestly, I think I wont be spending such $$ until many months down the road.

And at this rate, it might be a year. –>I am such a wuss… or maybe I’m just still so very guarded and scared still to open up my heart to anybody else.  I think the later is more true, I haven’t really opened up my life recently to anybody other than my close friends…and to the extent that I have with friends, I am still quite uneasy about spilling the whole truth of what’s aching me and only saying what hurts least. 

I feel like a little mouse that doesn’t click: earlier tonite I was on my desktop, unlocked my desktop with my username/password–but the mouse would not budge, stuck not moving, left right back forward buttons don’t work.  looking at the bottom, LED light is on.  weird, I unplug it out of my keyboard’s usb port, plug back in: no effect.  try the 2nd usb port: no effect.  After a minute, realized that BitComet had froze up again as usual (for some reason it does that after X amount of hours)…so I killed the process, and then my mouse worked again.
–> I think some software running in this OS of my life has froze up, and I’m just stuck unmoving.  Things just don’t click between me and..u know who,..my world.  It’s not easy and smooth as the past was, so despite my feelings and inclinations, and move forward and any clicking motion I initiate seems futile.

~sighs~  I don’t think I’m making any sense!

EDIT:
Oh my…I am distracted in my techy-news surfing by this cute Microsoft Chinese lady, Jenny Lam!  What do ya think?!?  A smart, techy Chinese gal…shweetess!  And I never imagined this–so much of my Windows eXperience was done by her :)  oh la la =D